Gedong
We didn't divorce immediately because my biggest concern was for Sean and Brenden. All seemed resonably stable. Made and I no longer lived together, and she did whatever she did in her very active social life while I mostly stayed with the boys. Made was hard enough to live with in the best of times, it would clearly get worse under pressure.
But suddenly it all came to a head, and I didn't even recognize it had happened.
It took me a few years to realize why the Singapore agreement contained one overwhelmingly fatal seed of destruction.
The next to last page contained a paragraph "Kedonganan". This was land we had purchased—in Made's name, of course, as were all other properties—with plans to build a new restaurant / nightclub to be called "Gedong".
I worked on the plans for the next few years after we bought it until I had a complete architectural and business plan.
Potential investors loved it. An equity capital investor I knew flew out from New York to meet me in Los Angeles to discuss financing and suggested a new 'Waterfall /Flip' structure. This was a bit too innovative for potential partners we knew in Bali, but the real problem was Made Jati's shock at hearing the investmant plan.
As explained in detail later in The murder of Bob Ellis...
"Made and I married in 1985, Bob and Noor in 1986, and at that time foreigners could not own businesses or properties in their own name. The common solution was to place it in the Indonesian partner's name.
"But in recent years laws changed to allow PMAs or Foreign Capital Corporations so that foreigners could secure ownership in their own right. In 2005 I was planning a new venture, a nightclub / restaurant named Gedong. Made had assumed it would be in her name, as with Uluwatu and Kori and our homes. She flew into a rage when she found out it would be a PMA."
It seemed a reasonable and good solution to me—as I am sure Bob Ellis's plan later seemed to him. Neither of us realized the intense anger it would provoke in our Indonesian wives. For Bob it proved fatal, literally.
Made expected investors to pour money into Gedong and build a project under her ownership based entirely on their trust in her. So of course she was furious when I proposed a PMA. She took it as a personal insult, a slap in the face, because "people don't trust me???!!!"
but it gets worse...
because the back story behind Gedong ( page 37 'Design Concept'—all my projects including the business program Sumer are based on story concepts) was no longer based on Made Jati. In fact I proposed shifting even the Uluwatu story into a new framework.
I have no training in psychology and so I blundered beyond my depth. I never realized that my fiction of the wonderful creative and caring spirit of Bali had become an essential foundation of Made Jati's persona. Someone with more awareness pointed out years later that changing her story was psychologically equivalent to threatening her death.
Any possible compromise was long gone. This was not a divorce; Made was locked into a desperate battle to preserve her identity against what she felt was an existential threat.
I kept thinking we could find a compromise, for the sake of our children if nothing else. Like Bob Ellis walking into his kitchen that night, I was completely oblivious.
Gedong today is still the same empty lot on the beach that it was in 2005.
That empty lot reveals the same dynamic as played out later in The murder of Bob Ellis: 100% of nothing is better than 50% of something. The motives for Made Jati and Noor Ellis were never actually about money.
Divorce is probably much like love and war: sometimes the two sides are not even fighting over the same cause.